Lousy lay

It is a wonder how two simple words, empty as the heart of a butcher, can hurt you so badly. How I got there, I do not remember. But I remember what he said while I was standing outside in the rain, waiting for him to come and get me. My jeans were soaking wet, my feet were frozen already and my black hair- wet as if I had taken a shower with all my clothes still on my back. He was inside the bus. His shaggy black hair was shining so brightly it appeared blue. His blue eyes, clear as the sky on a warm spring morning, were circled by black eye shadow, flowing down his cheekbones as the rays of a pitch black sun. His full lips were pressing against the bottle while his friends laughed. I stood there, smiling at his carelessness. I saw him get up. He wore those black leather pants he knew I loved, tightened around the waist with two shiny belts. His flat stomach was covered with a white T-shirt that revealed his long bony arms. Around the wrists he wore the leather bracelet I had given to him. Another smile flew down my face.
"So you're going out with her again, huh?", a male voice stated, followed by giggles and sounds of flowing liquids.
"Yeah, why?", his answer made my spine shiver with excitement- I loved his deep voice. I had always thought that if I had it my way, I'd make him talk to me forever just to enjoy the sound.
"No reason. I'm just curious, you know."
"Ash, come on, man, I know you better than that. What's up?", he said.
At that moment I knew something was terribly wrong. I knew it because my stomach flipped inside my body and tied itself into a warning knot. It felt like it was telling me to run the hell away. And I know now, I should have listened.
"I just think you spend way too much time with her."
I heard him turn back as he was before facing towards the door.
"What's that supposed to mean?", he sounded puzzled but I felt the buzzing anger in his chest, waiting to be awakened.
"Hey, don't be like that, Andy. We just…", another voice jumped in to the side of Ashley.
"I want to know. Tell me."
A moment of silence followed. I felt the tension in my bones like a strange vibration, again, warning me to take off and leave him there. But, the fool I was, I stayed and listened.
"We were talking. Ever since you broke it off with Carolyn, you've been bummed out."
"And she helped to bring me back into the game, remember?", Andy said as if to defend me.
"We remember man. But you've been spending so much time with that girl, you've forgotten about us.", I heard Jake say as his was the only voice I could recognize.
"And that's not all. She's …", Ash trailed off and I almost heard his eyes shift to the next guy, that began talking.
"She's not all that pretty, man!", someone shouted and I heard a stumbling noise as that someone got up from his seat.
Suddenly I felt I had to know. My hands clasped the window of the vehicle and pushed me upwards. I scanned the room with my eyes, only to see Andy standing in the middle of it. Chris was standing as well but everyone else were sitting down, their eyes full of words they couldn't say.
"She's not something! She's just a stupid little fan girl! And furthermore, she's not even given you any! We have tons of girls just waiting for us with their legs open! Why do all this for a lousy lay?"
The words stung. Like small bees, they found their way into the holes of my heart to let out their poison. I didn't expect him to say that. I thought he was my friend. All lies. I had to run. But I stayed.
Andy stood silent. He didn't say or do anything. His amazing blue eyes were empty. Suddenly, a smile spread across his face and he raised an arm.
"I don't know, maybe I want a break from all the pretty girls. Seriously, guys, I…"
I had heard enough. My tied up stomach was now crawling up into my throat. My eyes filled with salty tears as I ran my hands through my wet hair and grasped a handful out of each side. "How could I be so stupid", a voice in my head asked me."He's right. You're no special one. You are just one of the girls. And you're not even all that pretty."
My ego was literally hurting but I knew what I had to do. I fixed my hair although, given my makeup, it was useless and I pushed the door open - it was never locked and I knew it. They all looked at me. My face was swollen and my mascara was running all down my face. I probably looked horrifying but I didn't care- just like they wanted their fans to.
"Hey, love, how…", he started, making my eyes sting even more. But I wouldn't cry. It was beyond me.
"A lousy… lay.", I breathed. "A lousy… lay… right… love?"
No one dared to look at me. Five pairs of eyes that weren't man enough to stand behind their words. All except him. And he dared to look puzzled.
"Wha… oh. Dragon, I …"
"Don't you dare.", I stopped him and one hand clasped my stomach as if protecting me from falling apart."A lousy lay, huh. Well, then… fuck you."
I stormed out and ran, just as I was supposed to ten minutes ago. When my feet got so cold I couldn't feel them, I stopped and pushed my back against the wall of a nearby building. I was just that to him- a lousy lay. Serves me right. I slid down to the wet cement and let my hand rest on my bag. And to think I had it all planned for tonight. I reached up in my bag and pulled the bottle of whiskey I had stored for our picnic together. The cold alcohol left a surprisingly hot trail down my throat. I smacked it back down on the sidewalk and wiped my bottom lip. It was shivering. Right then I knew that I wasn't as strong I thought I was. There was only one thing that could make me cry and that was him. Him, that thought of me as a lousy lay.